Friday, January 10, 2014

Fiblets, lying to your loved one?

Lying to your loved one who has dementia. Should you? Do you? Would you?

The answer of course is personal. Every situation is different. It is my job to explain to you my feelings about this, as a patient.

In the beginning stages, and even in some moderate middle stages of dementia some patients may be able to understand what you are telling them.

Say for instance a very close relative passes away. Right now, I would want to know, and I would be told. No question.

But what about those who cannot comprehend things. They do not even know most of the time who you are, let alone the person who has passed away.

What good would it do to tell these people something they can do nothing about, and something they will not remember in an hour after telling them.

Those who don't have dementia many times say, "They have a right to know about these things."

It has nothing to do with if they have a right or not. What is has to do with is do they have the cognitive abilities to comprehend what you are telling them.

What good would it do to tell someone their brother passed away, and have to to tell them every day, sometime every hour.

None. Thats the answer. We call them "fiblets" here on Mp. Tell them anything but never tell them something that will just upset them and cause them undo stress they can do nothing about.

It's not about is it right to keep things from them, its about can they handle what you are going to tell them.

It may seem cruel, but think about telling someone their brother has died, everyday...or two three times a day. It won't do one bit of good. For them, or you.

Take it from a patient, I want and deserve to know what is going on. Today that is. That all will change. And it is up to Phyllis June to control what is told to me and what isn't...