Thursday, January 30, 2014

Losing Control

In control. That's what everyone wants to be. In control of their daily lives. Do what is best for them at any given moment in time.

This is very thing you lose even in the beginning stages of this disease. You learn very early on that you have no control.

No one wants to be out of control, or have things happen to them they can't for whatever reason control.

This disease takes ever bit of what control you had of your life, and it's a downward spiral from there.

I learned long ago to let many things go. You have to. Try being diagnosed with a terminal disease with no cure, and nothing to slow the progression.

That will take every ounce of control out of you. What I did, and what others should do is to come to grips with this disease. It worked for me, cause I somehow have a tiny bit of control knowing and accepting what is coming down the road for me.

When I say accept it, that doesn't mean you have given up, or lost. What it means is you understand as a patient and as a caregiver what this disease is, what it does, and what is coming.

You need to plan ahead. That in itself is a form of control. When you have a plan, have another because the chances of the original plan working are slim to none.

Being diagnosed is not the end of ones life. It is however the beginning a journey that you will not and cannot control. The sooner you come to grips with this, the better off you will be.

I am losing control. I know this. But some things my wife lets me think I am in control of, and that alone brings me peace. I wish things were different.

But what I have gained through Mp, the hundreds of people I have met and talked to, I will forever be grateful for.

So even when I have no control over things, I try to find the good in everything. It's not easy. Matter of fact is very, very hard at times.

There are days I do not think I can take another step. But I do...and that alone keeps me in control...